NO PLAYS EXCHANGED, 



■BAKER'S Edition 
or Pl7\y3 



PER TELEPHONE 



W-': 




COPYRIGHT. 18fl9. BY WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 



Something New, Funny and Refined. 



Prof. BAXTER'S 

Great Invention 



OR 



OLD niRIDS niflDE NEW. 

A COMEDY-FARCE IN ONE ACT. 

By MARY B. HORNE, 

Author of "The Peak Sisters," "The Carnival of Days," "The Bc>jK 
■ OF Drills, Parts I and II," Etc. 



For three male and three female characters. Modern every-day costumes. 
Scenery of the very simplest character. Plays about an hour, or longer, 
according to specialties, songs, etc., introduced. This entertainment is a decided 
novelty and is excruciatingly funny. First-rate Irish soubrette part, and capital 
comic old man. Prof. Baxter's patent process for making old people young 
again suits everybody, both on the stage and off. 

Price, - • - - 15 cents. 

SCENE.— Dr. Baxter's Office. Mary Ann and the Professor. A scientific break- 
fast. Patients. A sweet young thing of fifty.. Mary Ann romances. The 
old dude. More patients. A back number. Getting ready for the operation. 
Koxanna and the Doctor. Greek meets Greek. Electro-motive force vs. a 
female tongue. The " gossimeres." The current begins to work. Woolley 
has a very strange feeling. Charged with electricity. " I never charge, but 
take cash down." Filling the cabinets. A little backward in coming forward. 
Dorothy's shyness. " What, get in there with two men ! " Mary Ann sacri- 
ficed to propriety. Roxanna and the Doctor again. Getting the mitten. 
" You press the button, and I'll do the rest." The current full on. Groans 
of the wounded. After the battle. Old maids and old dudes made new. 
Koxanna's work undone. "It's a deep laid plot!" Celebrating the event. 
*' The dude who couldn't dance." Mary Ann and " The Irish Jubilee." It is 
in the air and Koxanna catches it. A terrible catastrophe. The deaf old 
.'* gentlemen gets overdone. The Professor adopts the old infant. Marrying 
ftnd giving in marriage. The " invention " pronounced a grand success. 



Walter H. Baker & Co., 23 Winter St., Boston. 



PER TELEPHONE 
\ 

a JFarce in ©ne ^ct 



BY 

MARGARET MONTGOMERY 



BOSTON 0^*-'^^ 



1893 



CHARACTERS. 

MR. GUY MARLING. 
MR. NED AUSTIN. 
MISS NAN CUZZIN. 
MISS MARY HALCOME. 
NORA, a servant. 

Time. — The present. 
Costumes. — Modern and appropriate. 







Copyright, 1893, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 
All rights reserved. 



PER TELEPHONE 



Scene. — A parlor in Miss Cuzzin's home. 

Miss Cuzzin (Jianging up telephone tube). I really think 
nothing could be nicer than this darling telephone ! Strange 
some people don^t like them, and even think them a nuisance ! 
I think I'll never get tired talking through it. Only to think; I 
can go all over town, or receive any number of callers without one 
thought as to whether my bangs are in curl or out, or whether the 
parlor is dusty or — anything! It is such fun! I'm going to call 
up Clara, and tell her I'm her neighbor. Let me see. (^Looks at 
the catalogue .) They're number 62. {Rings the ''phone a?id calls.) 
Give me 62, please. Hello! Is that you, Clara .'* — No, it isn't. 

— Guess again. — I think you're awfully mean not to know me. — 
I would not be so stu — I thought you — Yes, I — How lovely ! 

— What did you say? — Isn't it just sweet! I have — I per- 
suaded papa I needed it this summer, because my household cares 
were so heavy with mamma away. — We only got it in to-day, and 
I'm making life a burden to them at the Central, by calling up a lot 
of the folks I know to tell them I'm a telephone neighbor. — Sort 
of on the housewarming plan. — Are you .^ — I like pale pink ones, 
they're lovely with Nile green. — I lined mine with a sort of old 
rose. — I'm going to — We think it's measles. — Dr. Munroe. — 
No, the young one; we — He's a grumpy old — Oh, are you? 

— So am I. I'm awfully glad you are. — I've just gotten as far as 
the murder. — Isn't it lovely ? — Wh — Oh, of course it'll all turn 
out right. That's one of the nice things about her books ; they 
always end so delightfully. — I never read anything so sweet and 
tender as the way he proposed to Jessie, Well, if — But indeed I 
don't see why men outside of books do make such awful botches 
when they attempt anything of the kind. — Entirely from observa- 
tion and hearsay, I assure you, my dear. — Don't be a goose. — 
What did you say ? — I don't understand. — I can't make out what 
you say ! — Are you too close to the 'phone ? — Your voice just goes 
sizz-z-z-z-z. — Indeed I can't hear one word. — Oh, now I can hear 
you just as plain ! — Wasn't that queer? I couldn't hear a word, 
and now 1 can hear every sound. I can even see how sweet ycu 

3 



4 PER TELEPHONE. 

look. — Oh, well, I can't see that. I took it as a matter of course 
you looked sweet. — What time will it be done .•* — I have a sudden 
yearning to call on you. — It smells good. — Elegant! — I like 
hickory-iuUs best. — That's awfully — Peter who.'' — Didn't you 
say '' Peter has left town " ? — Oh ! " Three and a half pounds ! " 
I thought you said, "Peter has left town." — Save me a big piece. 

— Must you.'' — You'd better. Pm pretty sure I smell it burning. 
Our number is 90. — Good-by. {Ilatigs up the ''pJi07ie^ and I'iiii^s 
off.) Now wasn't that nice ? If I had seen her, we couldn't have 
had a more satisfactory conversation. A telephone is a convenience 
in a hundred ways. 

{Efiter Nora hurriedly .') 

Nora. Plaze, mum, Tim's gone an' niver brung me the yeast. 
An' now what'll I be afther doin' to set me bread 

Miss Cuzzin. Never mind, Nora. Til just telephone to 
McCarthy's for a cake of yeast. 

Nora. But who'll yez tell? Tim's gone ; an' indade I can't be 
a lavin' me work to go traipsin' all the way to McCarthy's for a 
cake of yeast. 

Miss CuzziN. Telephone, Nora, not tell, with the new tele- 
phone. {Goes to ''phone and rings.) Give me number 16. — Is 
that you, Mr. McCarthy? — Mr. McCarthy, will you send me down 
a cake of yeast? 

NoKA. Shure, an' I wonder if she's out of her head, callin' that 
quare-lookin' box Mr. McCarthy, an' wantin' it to sind her a cake 
of yeast! (iir/V Nora.) 

Miss Cuzzin. And, Mr. McCarthy ; have you any nice peas 
to-day? — What kind are they? — Are they well filled? — How 
much are they a half-peck? — What other vegetables have you? — 
Are the beans the yellow or the green kind ? — What is the name 
of the green kind ? I never can remember. — How much are they? 

— You said you had tomatoes, are they nice ? — Are they large or 
.small ? — Have you any berries to-day? — How much are they? — 
How soon is the best time for preserving them? — Oh, yes; have 
}-ou any nice fresh eggs ? — The brown ones, I like them best. — Wait 
a minute. Did you say you had egg-plants or not? — Well, never 
mind. I am going up town after a while, and will stop and look at 
the vegetables. — No, I think nothing but the yeast ; please send 
it down as soon as you can. Aren't these telephones the — 
( 'Phone rings off.) Why, he's gone ! He must have been 
called away. {Hangs up the ''phone.) I do think the telephone 
is the nicest thing ! So satisfactory ! It saves one so much walk- 
ing. To be sure I have to go up town to match that silk ; but then 
Nora wants the yeast right away, and I should have had to hurry 
home with it, while now I can come home at my leisure. 

{Enter Mr. Harling.) 

Miss Cuzzin. Good-evening, Mr. Harling, I am delighted to 
see you. 



PER TELEPHONE. 5 

Mr Harling. Pm more than delighted to be here. I've been 
in a rush all dav, and it has been a rest to me to thmk of the call I 
was plannincr to make on you this evening. {1 he telephone rings.) 
Have you a'^phone? A new acquisition, isn't it? 

Miss Cuzzin. Yes. Just in to-day. Excuse me, please, while 
I answer it. (Goes to the 'phone, and calls.) Hello ! — Yes. — I 
can't to-night.- No, indeed I can't. -Because I'm engaged 

Mr. Harling {aside). I only wish she was! She shall be 
before my call is over, if I can manage it- ^ , , . , . 

Miss Cuzzin. No, I will do nothing of the kind — A pug — 
Rather better, thank you. -Oh, I'm so sorry. -Well good-by. 
(Ha7i<^s nj) the 'phone, and returns to her seat.) I find the tele- 
phone the most delightful thing! It is also the greatest conven- 
ience in doing the marketing and such things. _ t .1 • i 

Mr Harling. Yes, it must be. To be sure sometimes I think 
it mi<-bt be a good deal of a nuisance ; for instance, on my way 
here ''l was in at McCarthy's on some business, and there were 
some six people in there waiting to be served. There was no one 
to wait on them but McCarthy himself, and the 'phone rang, ai:d ah 
of us busy people had to wait while some market order was given 
most leisurely. Two people got tired of waiting and leit the store, 
and McCarthy was pretty mad. 

IMiss Cuzzin. Did he say anything? 

Mr. Harling. Nothing but, " Some women think a cake ot 

yeast a big order." c yy ^- ui 

Miss Cuzzin. I think Mr. McCarthy is an awfully disagreeable 

sort of a man. , , c c ^^ 

Mr. Harling. You do? Oh, he isn't a bad sort of a fellow. 

Miss Cuzzin. Well, I don't like him, — so there. You inust be 
sure and call me up some time. I would love to talk" to you through 
the 'phone. , , . . . ^ 

Mr. Harling. With you at the other end, I can imagine a 
telephone conversation could be most charming. 

Miss Cuzzin. You are a great flatterer, Mr. Harhng. 

Mr Harling. I beg you will not think me a flatterer ; tor 1 
do not know how to be more sincere than I always am with you. 

Miss Cuzzin. You are very kind. 

Mr. Harling. I had not expected to start for Liverpool until 
next week. But I find that business is so pressing that I have to 
take to-morrow's steamer, and so must leave to-night on the even- 
ing train. .„ , -s 

Miss Cuzzin. So soon ! How long will you be gone . _ 

Mr. Harling. I can't tell. I may find I can get through in a 
week, and I may be kept months. Miss Nan, I hope you will not 
consider me too abrupt, but before I go - {The telephone rm^s.) 
Aw — er—( Stops In embarrassment.) 

Miss Cuzzin. The telephone is talkative to-mght. (Goes to 
^phone, and calls.) Hello!- No, this is 90.-N0 ""^f ^en -pood- 
by. {Bangs up the 'pho7ie, and resiwies her set.) Some one 



6 PER TELEPHONE. 

wanted 19, ;ind the central gave them 90. (An etnbarrassed 
silence.^ (s it cold out? 

Mr. Harltng. No, quite pleasant. (Another silence.^ 

Miss Cuzzin. The wind is in the east, isn't it? 

Mr. Harling. No, in the north — er — no, I think youVe 
right. It is in the east. (Still another silence.') 

Miss Cuzzin (desperately^. Is there a moon now? 

Mr. Harling. I really donH remember. 

Miss Cuzzin. I hope there is, so you will have moonlight 
nights on the water. 

Mr. Harling. Thank you. That would be exceedingly pleas- 
ant. (Another silence.) 

Miss Cuzzin= I hope you will not have a stormy voyage. Are 
you a good sailor ? 

Mr. Harling. A regular salt. I hope you'll think of me some 
times wb.ile I am away. 

Miss Cuzzin. I will, once or twice, or may be I might be good 
enough to do it tliree times. 

Mr. Harling. You're awfully kind, and I suppose I ought to 
be satisfied with such a magnanimous oifer, but I'm not. I — (The 
telephone rings.) I'm afraid your 'phone is not in sympathy with 
my call. 

Miss Cuzzin («/ the 'phon?). Hello ! — This is Miss Cuzzin. 

— What do you want to know for ? — Who are you ? — Yes. (To 
Mr. Harling.) Mr. Harling, your brother wants to speak to you 
at the 'phone. 

Mr. Harling (at telephone). Hello! — Well, what's up ? — The 
Dickens ! — (To Miss Cuzzin.) I beg your pardon. Miss Nan. — 
When ? — Oh! (Wearily.) I suppose so. — I'll be there. — Yes. 

— All right. (Hangs up the ''phone, a7id returns to his seat with 
an annoyed look.) I wish you hadn't any 'phone, Miss Nan; for 
if you hadn't, they wouldn't have sent for me to see a man who is 
going on the western train in an hour. It is too provoking to have 
to cut my short call shorter. I wonder if the old wretch has any 
business with me, or if he is not sending for me simply to show his 
natural depravity. 

Miss Cuzzin. Your theology is sound, at any rate. 

Mr. Harling. How did Tom know you had a 'phone ? 

Miss Cuzzjn. I called him up this morning to send a message 
to your sister. 

Mr. Harling. What do you suppose made me such an idiot 
as to answer Tom, when he asked me where I was going ? 

Miss Cuzzin. I can't imagine ! You don't look that dumb. 

Mr. Harling. Plug up your 'phone with your storm plug. 

Miss Cuzzin. I don't dare ! Clara Morris did th;it once when 
sh;: had a caller, and they sent a man down from the telephone 
office to see why it wouldn't work. She felt rather flat to have a 
min walk in to fix the 'phone, and find her with a caller and the 
li'j:htning plug in on a perfectly clear night. It was a decided give 
away. 



PER TELEPltONE. 7 

Mr. Harling {taking her hand, tenderly). Dear Miss Nan, 
you will pardon my abruptness, but I have something — {Telephone 
'n'ui^s.) Bother the telephone ! Tell them you aren't at home. 

Miss Cuzzin {at 'phone) . Hello ! — Well ? — Yes. — What for ? 
— No. 

Mr. Harling {looks at his watch and speaks aside). Now how 
can I propose to her in five minutes? If I was sure she would say 
" Yes," it might do ; but it would never do to have her say " No," 
and then have no time to make her change her mind. 

Miss Cuzzin. I think it's first a pink, and then a blue, and then 
a yellow. 

Mr. Harling {aside). I simply must propose to her before I 
sail, if I have to do the whole thing in two minutes. 

Miss Cuzzin. Throw your thread over twice and catch it into 
that same hole nine times and then fasten down — {She places her 
hand over the mouth-piece and appeals to Mr. Harling.) How 
do you choke oflfa telephone conversation? 

Mr. Harling. Tell her you feel faint and can stand up no 
longer. 

Miss Cuzzin {speaking in 'phone), I think that would look very 
nice, but I have to go now. I'll call you up again after a while. — 
Good-by. {Hangs^np the 'phone.) Mr. Harling, I am so sorry. 
The old telephone seems possessed this evening. I suppose it's 
my own fault. I was so delighted with it that I called up a lot of 
people, and telephone calls seem to be quickly returned. 

Mr. Harling. I must admit I feel quite vindictive at it, for I 
came this evening with a fixed intention of saying certain things to 
you. The telephone seems determined I shall not say them; but, 
telephone or no teleplione, I mean to. When you remember the 
circumstances, I know you will pardon my seeming bluntness ; 
but, dear Nan, I cannot sail till I tell you that \—- {Telephone 
rings loudly.) A plague upon that thing ! But I suppose you'll 
have to go. 

Miss Cuzzin {at 'phone). Hello ! — Yes. — O papa! Did you 
really? — I think that was lovely! 

Mr. Harling {looks at his watch depairingly, and speaks 
aside). It's all up with getting in my proposal now. 

Miss Cuzzin. Nothing could be nicer ! 

Mr. Harling {aside, shaking his fist at the 'phone). You dia- 
ix)lical old concern ! 

Miss Cuzzin. How shall I have it cooked for you? 

Mr. Harling {aside). I've got an idea! I'll see that man, 
and then I'll propose to her by'telephone ! O, you blessed tele- 
phone ! You'll not play me fals'e then. With Nan at one end, and 
me at the other, we'll be masters of the situation. 

Miss Cuzzin. Very well, papa. Bring them along, and I'll do 
the very best I can. — Good-by. {Hangs up 'phone.) I couldn't 
choke off papa, Mr. Harling. I'm too«orry! 

Mr. Harling. Never mind. Are you going to be in the rest 
of the evening ? 



8 PER TELEPHONE. 

Miss Cuzzin. Yes. 

Mr. Hakling. You are sure you'll be in all the time ? 

Miss Cuzzin. Sure. 

Mr. Hakling. If I am to see that man, I must go this very 
instant. So good-by, Miss Nan. Don't forget you are to think 
about me a few times while I am away. 

Miss Cuzzin. Til remember. Good-by. A safe voyage, and a 
prosperous trip. 

Mr. Harling. Good-by, good-by. (^Exit hastily.') 

Miss Cuzzin {going itp to the ^pho7ie aiid viaking a face). 
You horrid old thing! Was any girl ever served so mean a trick? 

{Enter Miss Halcome.) 

Miss Halcome. Are you alone, Nan? I thought I heard you 
laying down the law to somebody. 

Miss Cuzzin. I wish I could lay down the law to telephone 
bores. 

Miss Halcome. Why — why, what's the matter? 

Miss Cuzzin. Nothing. Sit down, do. 

Miss Halcome. Do show me this stitch ; I can't get it. 

Miss Cuzzin. You catch your needle in — {Telephone rings.) 
There that old thing goes again ! I positively won't answer it. 

{Exit angrily. Telephone rings again ; Miss Halcomk answers it.) 

Miss Halcome. Hello! — Is that you. Uncle Charlie? — She 
just went out of the room, but Fll call her. — All right. Pm the 
soul of attention, and Til tell her every word you say. — 

{Enter NoRA.) 

Miss Halcome. Wait a moment, please. {To Nora.) What 
is it, Nora? 

Nora. I wanted to ask yez, — {coaxingly), but, ah, Miss Mary, 
don't yez, too, be actin' up so ; now don't yez be talkin' any more 
to that box. 

Miss Halcome. Nonsense, Nora; that's what it's for. Come, 
hold this to your ear. 

Nora. Shure, an' I'm afeard to. It looks like what they call 
an infarnal machine. 

Miss Halcome. You needn't be afraid. It won't go off. 

Nora {looking anxiously at Miss Halcome and af)prehensively 
at the telephone). Are you sure, Miss Mary? {Aside.) They 
say it's best not to contrary crazy folks ; so I'll jist do it to plaze 
her, the poor dear. 

Miss Halcome (/;/ telephone). Nora has just come in, nnd I 
want her to try the telephone. Say something to her. 

N(^RA {holds the tube to hef ear and drops it suddenly , gasping). 
The Divil himself is in the thincf ; for dichi't I hear a voice as 



1 



PER TELEPHONE. CJ 

plain as the nose on yer face, sayin', " Is that you, Nora ? '^ an' a 
great lot of cracklin' and sizzin\ so I know the voice came from the 
bad phice itself. 

Miss Halcome. Nonsense, Nora, that's what we expect. 

Nora. Slnire, an' Til stay no longer in a house where iverybody 
talks to a quare-lookin' box on the wall, an' where the box talks 
back to ye, — the unholy crayther! 

( Throws her apron over her head and exit.) 

Miss Halcome. How superstitious these Irish girls are ! (^In 
the 'phofie.) Well, Uncle Charlie, Nora thought she smelled brim- 
stone and saw horns, and if I don't explain the thing to her she 
will be on her way back to Ireland to-morrow to hunt up her patron 
saint to protect her. — Is that all? — I'll not forget. — Good-by. 
(^H a Jigs up the 'phone, and seats herself at her fancy-work. The 
pJionc rings again.) 

Miss Halcome {at 'pho?ie). Hello ! — I'm Nan's cousin. — Oh ! 
I thouglu you migiit want to talk to some one else. — Yes. I know 
your voice. You are Mr. Harling. — Are you really going this 
evening? — I am sure I hope you'll have a speedy voyage and 
return. — We'll miss you. — Why, of course we will, ever so much. 

— I am part of " we."— Well, if you like that better, then I will 
miss you. — Why, Mr. Harling! — You surprise me ! — I don't 
believe you arc in earnest ! — I never though.t you cancel for me ! — 
Oh, indeed I didn't. — I always feared you were in love with my 
consul. — I dicbi't mean to say "feared." I think I meant "fancied." 

— Oh, this is dreadful! I know I ought to blush right here; and 
I am, furiously, but you can't see me. — Oh, I don't know how to 
act in a telephone proposal. — Oh, I can't make up my mind so 
soon. — Can't I have five minutes to think it over? — Do you really 
have to go on this steamer? — Yes, I know — that's very true. — 
I was astonished, of course. I never heard of such a thing, but 
I dont see why you couldn't, if you want to. — In June ! ! — Oh, I 
couldn't think of being ready that soon, even if I said yes, and I 
don't know th .t I'm going to say yes. — Suppose I tell you wlien 
you get back from England, and — Oh, well, you wouldn't brenk 
your heart if I did, would you ? — Will you ! — I wear seven and one- 
half, and I like the kind with the diamond set in deep ; but then 1 
didn't say I was goins; to wear any kind for you. — Don't get it too 
wide. — Oh, wait, I didn't mean that! I can't say yes till I think 
it over. — I'll send you a note to the station to meet you as you go, 
and tell you whether my answer is yes or no. — In half an hour! 

— Well, I'll have to think fast, if I can make up my mind and write 
a note and get it to the station in half an hour. — It"s '.oo bad you 
can't wait over a single steamer. — {Laughs.) Oh, I couldn't 
think of it. — You dear, old goose — Well, I suppose it don't mnt- 
ter. by telephone. {Smacks her lips.) Well, there, then. Now 
are you satisfied ? — You'll cable to me when you reach Liverpool ? 



lO PER TELEPHONE. 

— ril have the boy at the station with my answer. — Well, good- 
1)\-. {Haiii^s 7ip the ''phoiie^ and tni'tis S7ni!iiii^ly away.) Well ! 
liid you ever hear anything equal to that? 1 thought Mr. Harling 
was in love Vvith Nan, and here he has proposed to 7)ie, and wants 
me to marry him in June! And is desperately in love with me! 
Won't Nan be astonished? I always was fond of him — rather. 
{Meditatively.) I used'to like Ned the best, but — I must hurry 
with my note. He'll be so utterly broken-hearted if 1 d'^n't say 
yes, that I think Til have him. I must hunt Tim and write my 
note. Dear fellow, how desperately he loves me ! And how 
relieved and happy he will be when he gets my note ! {Exit.) 

{Enter Miss Cuzzin.) 

Miss Cuzzin. I thought Guy Harling would come again, but 
here it is, nearly time for his train to go. 1 know he was on the 
point of proj-osing; tried to do it several times, but the old tele- 
])hone interrupted him every time. {'Jo the ''phone.) I hate you, 
you old thing. What made you keep up such a>n everlasting ting- 
a-ling, ting-a-ling, ling ? Just as though any one wanted to hear the 
senseless chatter you gave out. {Dejectedly.) Mr. Harling, as 
likely as not, is deeply morUfied at not being able to get his speech 
made, and won't have the courage to try again. 

{Enter Miss Halcome.) 

Miss Halcome {s^niling/y). Nan, dear Nan, wish nie joy. 

Miss Cuzzin. I'll not. I'm cross, and Til wish no one jov or 
anything else that's agreeable. 

Miss Halcome. Why, Nan! What ails you? What's gone 
wrong ? 

Miss Cu/ztn. No matter — in polite language, none of your 
business. What has gone well with you? 

Miss Halcome. Nan — oh. Nan — Tm engaged ! 

Miss Cuzzin. Indeed! To whom ? 

Miss Halcome. Mr. Harling. 

Miss Cuzzin. Who ?? 

Mi.ss Halcome. Why — Nan — Mr. Harling, Guy Harling! 

Miss Cuzzin. 'Tisn't'so! 

:\I'Ss Halcome {with dignity). Very well. If you don't 
believe me, I'll refer you to Mr. Harling. Good-by, I'm going-out. 

Miss Cuzzin. Wait, Mary. I didn't mean to be so rude. Tell 
me. please, all about it. I never was more surprised in my life. • 

Miss Halcome. You can^t be more surprised than I was, when 
he proposed to me less than a quarter of an hour ago. 

Miss Cuzzin. Less than a quarter of an hour ago! Why, he 
wasn't hcM-e less than a quarter of an hour ago, was he ? 

Miss Halcome. No — but Nan — I know it's awfully queer, 
but he proposed to me by telephone ! 



PER TELEPHONE. II 

Miss Cuzzin. By telephone! 

Miss Halcome. Yes, by telephone. Delightfully original, 
wasnH it? 

Miss Cuzzin. By telephone ! 

Miss I*alcome. Yes. I don't wonder you are surprised. I 
was, too. You see, I always thought it was you he was in love 
with, so you may be sure I was astonished when he proposed to 
me. 

Miss Cuzzin {forcing a laiigJi). This is ll:e queerest thing I 
ever heard. Mary, are you sure he didn't think he was talking to 
me? I am positive there, is some mistake. 

Miss Halcome. Really, Nan, you are a triiic conceited. Do 
you think it so impossible for a man who knows us both to choose 
me? 

Miss Cuzzin. If that man is Guy Harling, yes; for I am sure 
he is in love with me. 

Miss Halcome. If he is as much in love with me as he said, I 
don't see how he can be with you, too. 

Miss Cuzzin. I can't explain everything to you, Mary. Tell 
me what did he say ? 

Miss Halcome. Oh, Nan! It isn't nice to tell what a man 
says to you when he proposes. 

Miss Cuzzin. Goose ! I don't mean that ! I suppose he 
didn't fling his proposal at you the moment you said " Hello." Did 
he ask for you when you first went to the 'plione ? 

Miss Halcome. Indeed, I don't remember. I know what he 
said afterwards better. 

Miss Cuzzin. Please try to think just what he said. 

Miss Halcome. I remember now just what he said. I knew 
his voice the instant he spoke. He asked if that was Miss Nan 
Cuzzin. 

Miss Cuzzin (reproachfully). O Mary! 

Miss Halcome. Wait a minute — and I said it was your cousin, 
and then he said he had something of importance to say to me, and 
I said, " Oh, it is I you want to talk to, is it?" And then before I 
had time to catch my breath, he plunged right into what was in his 
mind, and. Nan, he says I am the one girl he ever — 

Miss Cuzzin. Yes, yes. Of course — but, just what did you 
say W'hen vou told him it was you at the 'phone ? Did you say it 
was " Mary Halcome," or " Nan's cousin," or " her cousin," or 
what? 

Miss Halcome. " Nan's cousin," I think. Why, what of it? 

Miss Cuzzin. There! I was sure of it! He thought he was 
talking to me ! You said, '■ Nan's cousin," and through the 'phone 
that sounded like " Nan Cuzzin." And he thought he w^s talking 
to me. What a splendid joke ! 

Miss Halcome. I fail to see the joke. I don't believe he 
didn't know who he was talking to. If he did make a mistake, 
Nan, I would die — for — I accepted him ! 



12 PER TELEPHONE. 

Miss Cuzzin. Never mind. He need never know. I'm posi- 
tive tiiere was a mistake, so just you tell me all about it and Til 
sanction all you said, and I'll accept him and he need never knov/ 
the wrong girl was at the 'phone. May be, after we have been mar- 
ried, I'll tell him he never proposed to me and I never accepted 
him, but I won't tell him who did. There ! Isn't that a fine way 
out? 

Miss Halco 'e. Not so very. I didn't accept him through the 
'phone, but wrote him a note and, of course, signed my name ! 

Miss Cuzzin. And wrote him a solemn note, I'll be bound, that 
will make him feel, mistake or no mistake, he will have to keep to 
this absurd engagement. 

{Enter Nora with note.') 

Nora. Here, Miss Nan, is a note as Tim brought ye from the 
train. 

Miss Cuzzin. Thank you. Will you bring in those packages 
from the hall. {Exit Nora ; Miss Cuzzin iea?-s open the letter:) 

Miss Halcome. What is it, Nan ? 

Miss Cuzzin. I suppose you may as well know, so you shall 
hear it. It is from your dear fianc6. {Reads.) 

My dear Miss Nan, — My train is half an hour late. I have 
only time to write you a line to beg you to believe me neither a 
knave nor a fool. By means of the telephone, I this evening made 
a tremendous mistake. You will understand me when you see 
your cousin, Miss Halcome. At first I was in despair; but the 
note she has written me is so sweet and womanly that — 
My train is here. 

Yours, 

Guy Harling. 

{Enter Nora with bu7idles, carefully avoiding too near opproach 
to the telephone.) 

Miss Cuzzin. Well, Mary, I must say your lover was easily won 
if the — {Telephone rings violejitly. Nora drops her bundles, 
screams, and exit. Miss Cuzzin scowls, stamps her foot, and exit. 
Miss Halcome despairingly buries her head iji her arms on the 
table and re?nains in a dejected attitude while telephone rings three 
times.) 

{Enter Mr. Ned Austin.) 

Miss Halcome {sprifiging iip). Ned ! 

Mr. Austin {taking her hajids tenderly). Mary, little Mary, is 
it really you ? 

Miss Halcome. It most surely is! Where did you come 
from ? 



PER TELEPHONE. 1 3 

Mr. Austin. From Australia, a month ago, and have been fol- 
lowing you from place to place ever since. I thought I should 
never find you. 

Miss IIalcome. And I had given up ever expecting you to come 
back. Who told you 1 was here ? 

Mr. Austin. 1 did not know you were here, but was on my 
vwiy to Salem, where they told me you were going. I found you in 
t!ie strangest way ! I missed the train here, and to put in time, 
w^ent to the telephone exchange to see Jack Steele, the manager, a 
fellow I used to know. It was my first visit to the place, and Jack 
was showing me all about it, and to let me see how it worked prac- 
tically, he let me listen to a conversation going on over the wire. 
And, Mary, it was your voice at the 'phone ! I jumped so that 
Jack thought in some way the electricity had hit me. You may be 
sure I wasn't long getting your address, and finding you, and — 

Miss Halcome {in alar7?i). What was I saying at the 'phone? 

Mr. Austin. Oh, I don't know ; talking tennis, I think. What 
I do know is that it was your voice, and you, and that the telephone 
has found you for me. I never loved an inanimate article before ; 
but, Mary, in our home, we'll have a telephone. Shall we not, 
dear ? 

Miss Halcome. In our home ! O Ned ! 

Mr. Austin. Yes ; in our home. You'll come, won't you, and 
make a home for me? 

Miss Halcome. O Ned ! 

Mr. Austin. Why, little one, you knew what I wanted before I 
went away, surely ? Haven't you been able to make up your mind 
in all this time ? 

Miss IIalcomi:. O Ned ! It is too dreadful ! 

Mr. Austin. What is? Who is? Is it so dreadful to go with 
me? Shall I go away again? 

Miss Halcome. Yes, please do. — No! no! don't! 

Mr. Austin. I think I'll abide by your mature decision and 
stay. 

Miss Halcoml:. O Ned, I'm such an idiot! 

Mr. Austin. I think I have seen idiots of a more pronounced 
type. 

Miss Halcome. Wait till you've heard and you wont say so. 
Ned, I'm engaged ! 

Mr. Austin. O Mary, how could you ? 

Miss Halcome. Because I was an idiot. 

Mr. Austin. And you care for him? 

Miss Halcome. Care for him ? No ! nor he for me ! 

Mr. Austin. Then why in the world are you engaged to each 
other? 

Miss Halcome {hopelessly). I don'i know. 1 liked him and 
thought you were never coming back. I'm so sorry, Ned. 

Mr. Austin. Poor little Mary. I'll help you out of the mess, 
if you say you'll marry me. 



14 PER TELEPHONE. 

Miss Halcome. Wait till this honitl cni^agement is broken; 
then I'll promise you. 

Mr. Austin. Why not now ? 

Miss Halcomk. And be engaged to two men at once? Oh, I 
thiniv that is dreadful ! 

Mr. Austin. Some girls do it, don't they? 

Miss Halcome. Yes ; but I think it is perfectly awful, and I 
won't do such a thing. Til promise to marry you just as soon as 
1 get out of this scrape, but not before. I'll tell you all about 
it. My cousin had a telephone put in — But come over into the 
library; we won't be interrupted over there. {Exeunt.) 

{Enter Miss Cuzzin rt;/^ Nora. Nora carrying a step-ladder.) 

Miss Cuzzin. That will do, Nora ; put it there, I can do the 
rest myself. 

Nora. All right, Miss Nan. But if yez want me, jist call, an' 
I'll come, if Pm that busy I can't stir. {Exit.) 

(Miss Cuzzin jnou?its the step-ladder with hammer and nails, and 
prepares to ha7ig a bamier j but^ after t7}i7ig the effect., seats her- 
self on the top of the ladder and leaning back., meditatively drums 
with /ia?nmer on her hand.) 

Miss Cuzzin. I don't see why I should care anything about the 
wliole business ! {Takes letter out of her pocket and reads.) " At 
first I was in despair, but her letter is so sweet and womanly tliat " 
— I suppose, if his train hadn't come, he would have continued, 
"that my broken heart is Cjuite healed, and I cheerfully bow to the 
decree of fate, and shall ever regard you as a dear sister." Bah I 
I despise a man who is so fickle that a hasty letter turns him this 
way or that! {Crumples the letter savagely and returns it to Jur 
pocket.) I'm well rid of him. He wasn't worth a thought. And — 
and — I am — not — going — to cry .' {Buries her face in her hands 
and sobs. Then ang7'ily shrugs her shoulders ajid sits upright.) 
Nan Cuzzin, you're a simpleton — now quit! {Blows her nose 
violently and wipes her eyes.) I wonder if I'm taking hay ftxer? 
I seem to have such a cold! {Stands up and tacks the banua . 
Wheii partly done, turns a7id looks through the open door, calling 
loudly.) Scat! You impudent thing! Clear out! Scat, I say! 
{Stamps her foot a7id claps her ha7ids.) Scat ! You horrid thiny ! 
( Takes off her slipper andtJirows it thi ough the door.) Scat ! Oh, 
that settled you, did it ? You impudent cat! {Tur7is to fi7iish 
ha72ging the ba7i7ier. A k7iock is heard. Without tur7ii7ig, she 
calls.) Come in. 

{E7iter Guy Harling.) 

Miss Cuzzin. Is that straight, M;iry? 
Mr. Harling. How do you do, Miss Nan ? 



PER TELEPHONE. I 5 

'MS CuzziN. Goodness ! {Sits down suddenly, and carefully 
'e.herstockin-edfooL) Where under the sun did you come 



Mr Harling. From the station, just now. 

Mi=-S CuzziN. I thought you were on your way to Liverpool:' 

Mr Harling. I was, but the engine got out ot order, and we 
h-. 1 to wilt. Aren't you coming down to speak to me? 

'Miss CuzziN. Ye — no. I'm going to sit here. I hke it up 
5, ere. Take a chair, Mr. Harling. . .i , t of 

Mr Hurling. No! Are you really going to sit up there! Let 
m- come too ; there's plenty of room for both. {Starts to ascetid, 
but Miss CuzziN drives hi?n back with her hammer.) 

Miss Cuzzin. No. Thanks, awfully, but 1 don t care for com- 

^'""mr Harling. What freak has taken possession of you ? This 
i. perfectly absurd, for you to sit upon a high step-ladder, and me on 
a chair. Let me nail that thing for you. 

Miss Cuzzin. It's already nailed, thank you. 

Mr Harling. Tb.en what are you staying up there tor? 

M^ss Cuzzin. Because I choose to. If you don't admire my 
appearance on a step-ladder, Pm sure you can easily spare yourself 

^'y!;^l^!;!G.'^^hat has gone wrong? Did that rascal, Tim, 

^"MirCuz'z^N.'' You needn't abuse Tim. I'm very fond of him, 

^"mr^' HaV^g.'^ You make me fairly jealous of the litde wretch. 
Well, did that invaluable Timothy deliver my note? 

Miss Cuzzin {freezingly\ Yes. 

Mr. Harling.' And you thoroughly understood it ? 

Miss Cuzzin. Thoroughly. . „■,. u > 

Mr. Harling. It will be all right with your cousin, won t it . 

Miss Cuzzin. I would refer you to her. 

Mr Harling. Tell me, what did you think of it .'' 

Miss Cuzzin {leaning forward). Shall I tell you, honestly, what 

1 thought? _ , 

Mr. Harling. Why, certainly Do come down 

Miss Cuzzin. No. 1 prefer this seat, ^ell, Mr. Harlin,^, l 

honestlv thought, never in my life had I seen a man ^o fi^^^^^J^^ ^^ 

propose, as he thought, to one girl and then when he ^""^^he ha d 

proposed to the wrong girl, to decide, in less '^'^'' ^^^^^^^2,?^^^ 

thai she was really the girl he - loved, I suppose you thought it . 

Mary is in the librarv. . , „nHpr the 

MR. Harling. Who cares if she is. Nan, ^^hat under the 

heavens are you talking about ? What could I have said that )0u 

so misunderstood. , . i 4. „s 

Miss Cuzzin. I understood you perfectly. Pray lo not let 
discuss the matter. I tell you Mary is in the ^-'^rnry I think^ 
Mr. Harling. Well, I hope she will stay there. What nas 



10 PKK TELEPHONE. 

Mary got to do with us ? What you mean is of vastly more inter- 
est than anything with regard to Mary. 

Miss CuzziN. That's a strange way to speak of the girl you are 
going to marry. 

Mk. Harling. That's just what I want to know. Am I going 
to marry you ? Don't be cruel. Nan, tell me.^ 

Miss CuzziN. Marry me ! Considering you're engaged to Mary, 
1 consider that rather a peculiar idea. 

Mr. Harling. Engaged to Mary! Nonsense! 

Miss Cuzzin. Didn't you propose to her just before you started 
for the train ? 

Mr. Harling. Nan, you know I thought it was you. 

Miss Cuzzin And when you found you had made a mistake, 
didn't you write to me that at first you were in despair, but her 
letter was so sweet and womanly that you were quite reconciled to 
the exchange ? 

Mr. Harling. No! Til be hanged if I did. 

Miss Cuzzin. I can prove it by your letter. 

Mr. Harling. I'd like to see you do it. 

Miss Cuzzin {takin^^ the letter from her pockety a7id embarrassed 
by its crtwipled appearance'). I — must have — sat on your letter. 
It is mussed. Now hsten, " At first I was in despair, but her letter 
is so sweet and womanly that" — ■ If your train hadn't come, weren't 
you going to write, " that I am quite reconciled " .'' Take your 
old letter, and I wish you'd go away. {^Throws the letter at 
him.) 

Mr. Harling {spri7ij^s up the step-ladder in the face of the 
hammer, which he captures and throws to the floor. Taking her 
hands). I most certainly did not mean to finish it in any such way 
but — " The letter is so sweet and womanly, that I am sure she is 
the sort of girl who will understand just how it is, and not make it 
uncomfortable for us." As if I could care for any one but you ! 
Now, Nan, isn't it nearly time for you to give me my answer? 

Miss Cuzzin. Well — after you see Mary, if she doesn't want 
you, ril say yes. 

Mr. Harling. But Pm not going to ask Mary to have me. 

Miss Cuzzin. No. I donH quite mean that. But don't you see? 
Just now you are engaged to Mary, and if I say yes, then you'll be 
engaged to two girls at once ; and I think that's dreadful, don't 
you? 

Mr. Harling. Very dreadful. But you'll say yes, as soon as 
I'm not engaged to Mary ? 

Miss Cuzzin. Y-e-s. No, no ! {As he stoops to kiss her.) 
Not till I'm en<2:aged to you. 

Mr. Harling. Well,, you're tlie same thing as engaged to me. 

Miss Cuzzin. It isn't the same thing at all. It's the way folks 
are who are not engaged, Init have what they call, an "understand- 
ing." I am only — well — engaged to be engaged to you, I guess 
it is. 



PER TELEPHONE. ^7 

{Enter Mr. Austin and Miss Halcome.) 

Mr Austin {trying a ring on Miss Halcome's fi7iger\ Well 
at any rate you'll weaf this al a pledge that you'll be engaged .o 
me just as soon as you can. 

(The four look at one another for a few 7no7nents, then burst into 
peals of laughter.) 

Miss Halcome. O Nan ! {Renewed laughter.') 
MissCuzzTN. OMary! {Prolonged laughter.) 
Mr Harling. Miss Mary, it looks very much as though you 

would like to be released from your telephone engagement. 

Miss Halcome. And it looks very much as though you had 

been released from yours. 

MR. Harling. Oh, my, no. Nan wonH take me, unless you 

"^TlR.TuSTiN." And Mary wonH have me, unless you don^t want 
her! {Renewed laughter.) , 

MissCuzziN. Oh ! aren't we all perfect angels! Don t >ou 
think the price of wings will go up ? 

{Enter ^OKK, carrying Miss Cuzzin's slipper.) 

NORA. Miss Nan, here's yer shHpper, I found on the dining 
room table. An' the cat's got a fit out in the back yard. I th mk 
he" got a spell on her. Ihe's been actin' quare jver smce tha 
talkin'box came into the house, an' I'm thmkm the thmg that 
belongs in it has got into her. 

{Telephone rings violently.) 

CURTAIN. 



A NEW ENTERTAINMENT FOR LADIES. 



JOLLY JOE'S 
LADY MINSTRELS. 

Selections for the ''Sisters/' 

Written, compiled and edited in the sole interest of cheerfulness, from the most 
jovial sources, and arranged with a particular eye to the needs of 

KKIVtAIvK KKGRO NlINSTREIvS. 

By Mrs. A. M. SILSBEE and Mrs. M. B. HORNE. 

Tlws little book describes the programme recently employed in an actual 
performance of this character, and is offered as a guide to others seeking light on 
this "dark subject." It provides jokes, a stump-speech, a darky play — "Bells 
in the Kitchen,"— written for female characters only, and suggests a pi'ogramme 
of songs. The difficulty which ladies have found in collecting humorous material 
sufficiently refined for their piirpose, and the impossibility of procuring an after- 
piece for this sort of entertainment, of which men have heretofore had a monop- 
oly, suggested the piiblication of this book, which meets both these wants. 

Price 85 Cents. 



A NKW DRAIVLA. 

HICK'RY FARM. 

A COMEDY-DRAMft OF NEW ENGLAND LIFE IN TWO ACTS. 

By EDWIN M. STERN. 

Six male, two female characters. A charming delineation of New England 
rural life, presenting a diversity of excellent characters, that of the farmer, 
Ezekiel Fortune, being particularly good. Scenery : a landscape, Avith small set 
cottage, and a plain room. Costumes of the present time. Time of playing, an 
hour and a half. 

Price 25 Cents. 



For M ale Character s Only. 

Plmtmion Bitters. 

A Colored Fantasy in Two Acts. 
By MARY B. HORNE, 

author of 

" Prof. Baxter's Gkeat Invention," " The Great Moral 

Dime Show," Etc. 

Nine male and eight female characters, all impersonated by men and boys 
Scene, an easy interior ; costiames, grotesque and easily contrived. This is a 
picture of negro life on the Abercrombie Plantation, in Georgia. It is a very 
humorous presentation of negro life and character, and provides an agreeable 
substitute for the hackneyed Negro Minstrel Entertainment. It is connected bv 
a thread of narrative, but chiefly consists of a succession of songs and humorous 
Incidents, affording ample opportunities for the introduction of specialties An 
exceHe.it entertainment for a lodge-room or other "stag " institution. Can be 
played by men and women, if preferred. Very funny and perfectly inoffensive 
tor church perfoi-mance. 

**"ce 15 cents. 



For F emale Chara cters. 

8t. YflLENTINE'8 DilY. 

A COIVLKDY IN ONK ACT. 
By ANNIE ELIOT. 

Two female characters. Scenery, unimportant ; costumes modern and every- 
day This charming little duologue for ladies will instantly recommend itself to 
the best taste in such matters. Its dialogue is witty, ingenious and entertaining 
and very subtly ami sympathetically develops a most interesting story of a love 
affair, which, however, only appears in the third person. The characters of 
lUinor (a woman of thirty) and Letty (scarcely more than a child) are admirably 
contrasted and employed, and are capable of much quiet dramatic effect in 
capable kands. 



Price 



15 cents. 



A NEW PLAY FOR GIRLS. 



The Chaperon, 

A COMEDY IN THREE ACTS, 

By RACHEL E. BAKER, 

PART AUTHOR OF " AFTER TAPS," ETC. 



F.riccn female cliaracters. Scenery not difficult. Costumes, tennis gowns 

and modern street and evening gowns, with picturesque 

Gypsy costumes for Miriam and Jill. Time 

in playing, two and a lialf hours. 

Price ^5 cents. 

SVNOPSIS: 

AOT I. Jack and Jill. A. love game. Cousins for sale. " My kingdom for 
a liairyin." The French teacher. A few conundrums. Miriam and Jill. 
The Gypsy'q blessing. Nora and the French language. Billet-doux and 
Billy Manahan. An invitation. " I will be your chaperon ! " Telling for- 
tunes. The Tknnis Drill. Tales out of school. Joyce and the beggars. 
The accusation. Joyce to the rescue. " I cannot look into your eyes and 
believe you guilty." Under a cloud. The Gypsy's prophecy. " Miriam the 
Gypsy has spoken, and she never breaks her word." 

ACT II. The Chaperon. In the studio. Nora and the man in armor. A 
spiritual manifestation. Eavesdropping, Locked in. The artist's model. 
A little lark. The bogus chaperon. The skeleton in the closet. Komeo 
and Juliet adapted. Miriam the Gypsy. The secret of the papers. " God 
be Avith thorn and with those to Avhom they belong ! " Masquerading. 
Nora's jig. A surprise and an escape. The school-ma'am outwitted. Thk 
Minuet. J ill and Joyce. The locket. " It means that the waif has found 
a home at last ! " Sisters. The Gypsy again. " Your duty lies with then. 
make their lives as happy as you have mine." 

ACT III. "Like Other Girls." A five o'clock tea. Anticipations. The 
French teacher again. A lesson in politeness. A nice hot cup of tea. 
Nora's revenge. Apologies. Mademoiselle's confession. " I took it ; it was 
only for ze revenge." Forgiveness. " Ihishivg tea." Confessions. From 
grave tc gay. An Adamless Eden. SuperQuous man: a few portraits of 
him. Explanations. The fulfilment of Miriam's prophecy. A mystery 
cleared.. ' -Ihe little one I mourned as dead is alive." Our chaperon. 



Something for ''Secret Societies.' 



JOINING THE TINPflNlTES, 

OR, PADDY MCFLING'S EXPERIENCE. 

(PART I.) 

A iviock: initiation. 

FOK THB AMUSEMENT AND INSTKUCTION OF SECRET SOCIETIES. ADArTED TO ALL 

ORDERS, AND CONTAINING NOTHING TO OFFEND ANY 

SECRET ORGANIZATION. 

By David Hill, 

Author of " Forced to the "War," "Bound by an Oath," "Out of his Sphere," 
"Placer Gold," "The Granger," etc. 

For thirteen male characters and supers. Scenery unimportant, the 
stage representing the interior of a lodge-room. Costumes, burlesque regalia. 
Plays forty-five minutes. This is an uproarously funny travestie of the forms 
of initiation, and is just the thing for a lodge-room entertaiimieut. Any number 
^ men can assist as members, etc. 

Price, . • . 15 cents. 



By the Author of " A Box of Monkeys." 

The Corner-Lot Chorus- 

A FARCE IN ONE ACT. 

FeR ^ FEMALE # GHARAGTERS ^ eNL?Y 
By Grace Livingston Furniss. 

As Originally Performed by "The Twelfth -Night Club," at the 
Lyceum Theatre, New York, on May 7, 1891. 

Seven female characters who speak, and ten Jury Gins. Costumes, modt i n 
and tasteful. Scenery of little or no importance. Plays about forty miiiui >. 
This clever little piece, by the author of "A Box of Monkeys," satirizes wili 
a two-edged blade a foolish social exclusiveness aiid the weak side of am;iiiii r 
actors, and with bright and clever performers is a sure success. It afford^ a 
«hance for elegant dressing, if desired, and for telling local hit.?. In its original 
p»pformance by profeiBioual actresses it was a laughing success. 

Price, ... 35 cents. 



A New Comedy. 



COUNSEL FOR THE PLAINTIFF. 

A COMEDY IN TWO ACTS. 

By ST. CLAIR HURD. 

For four male and five female characters. Scenery, two Interiors^ 
easily arranged; costumes modern and simple. Plays an hour and a 
half. This iittle piece has more plot than is usual in plays of its length, 
and works up to an exciting climax. Solomon Nathan is a capital 
comedy part, and Phineas Phunnel and Phoebe Stopper excellent eccen^ 
trie character parts. This piece has been many times successfully per- 
formed from manuscript. 

Price .... 15 cents. 



FOR FESVIALE CHARACTERS ONLY. 



A VISION OF FAIR WOMEN. 

A DRAMATIC PARAPHRASE IN ONE SCENE, 
Based upon Tennyson's "Dream of Fair Women." 

By EDITH LYNWOOD WINN. 

(As presented by the Polymnia Society, of Shorter College, 
Home, Ga., April, 1889.) 

Thirty-nine girls are called for by the full text of this excellent 
entertainment, besides the *' Dreamer " who has the vision ; but a 
smaller number may be used, at pleasure, by simply reducing the num- 
ber of tableaux. No scenery is required, and the costumes can be easily 
contrived by home talent. This is a very picturesque and enjoyable 
entertainment, and by giving a large number of pretty girls a chance to 
look their best, is sure to please them and every one else. 

Price .... 15 cents. 



WHO'S TO INHERIT? 

A COMEDY IN ONE ACT. 
FOR FEMALE CHARACTERS ONLY. 

For nine female characters. Scene, an easy interior; costumes, 
modern and simple. Margery is a "rough diamond," who always speaks 
' T-.nd. Miss Chatter, Miss Pry and Miss Nicely are a very amusing 

)f gossips, to whom Mrs. Fitzfudge's sharp tongue is a terror. 
Price . , . . 15 cents. 



lier m-.n( 



ANOTHER "COUiNTRY SCHOOL. 



THE OLD-FASHIONED 

HUSKING BEE. 

AN OLD FOLKS ENTERTAINMENT IN ONE SCENE. 



By NETTIE H. PELHAM. 



For eleven male aud five female characters, and as many more as desired. 
Scene, the interior of a barn, easily arranged; costumes, old fashioned. Plays 
fortyniinutes or more, according to number of songs and specialties introduced. 
Very easy to get up, and very funny. An excellent introduction for a dance, 
supx>cr or sociable, where a mixed entertainment is desired. 
Price, .... 15 Cents. 

SVNOPSIS: 

SCENE. — Uncle Nathan's barn. Bobby and Scipio. In black and white. A 
few conundrums. " Silence am gold." Gathering of the neighbors. Music 
and fun. Thomas Jetferson is heard from. " Von leedle song," by Solomon 
Levi. Betsy and Josiah. A leap-year courtship. Algernon Fitznoodle aud 
Little Lord Fauntleroy. The dude and the darling. Fitznoodle takes a 
tumble. Patrick and Ah Sin. Kace prejudices. Harmony out of discord. 
]\Iusic. Betsy and the swing. A little mistake. Betsy recites. The 

s HuMA^'IP^o^'l!;. Pat and Kitty. The red ear. " [lurrah for supper ! " 



A DOUBLE SHUFFLE 



J^ COI^EID-^ I3Sr OlSTE J^CT. 



By HARRY O. HANLON 



Three male and two female characters. Scenery and costumes very simple. 
An athuirable little parlor piece, playing about thirty-five minutes. Fred 
Somers, a collegian, with a taste for practical joking, tries to play a little joke 
on his sister aud his fiancee, but they succeed in turning the tables completely 
upon him and his two college chums. Very bright and amusing. A sure hit. 

Trice, .... 15 Cents. 



GEORGE M. BAKER'S PLAYS. 

Price 15 cents, unless otherwise stated. 



ABOVE THE CLOUDS. Drama in two 

acts. 7 males, 4 females. 
AMONG THE BKEAKEKS. Drama in 

two acts. 6 males, 4 females. 
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BON-BONS. Musical entertainment. 3 males, 

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BOSTON DIP, THE. Comedietta in one 

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BREAD ON THE WATERS. Drama in 

two acts. 5 males, 3 females. 
CAPULETTA. Burlesque in two parts. 3 

males, i female. 

CHAMPION OF HER SEX, THE. Farce 

in one act. 8 females. 

CHRISTMAS CAROL, A. Christmas en- 
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CLOSE SHAVE, A. Farce in one act. 6 
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COALS OF FIRE. Farce in one act. 6 
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COMRADES. Drama in three acts. 4 males, 

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DUCHESS OF DUBLIN, THE. Farce in 
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ENLISTED FOR THE WAR. Drama in 

three acts. 7 males, 3 females. 

FAIRY OF THE FOUNTAIN, THE. 

Play for children in two acts. 10 char. 25c. 

FLOWER OF. THE FAMILY, THE. 

Comedy-drama in three acts. 5 males, 3 fern. 
FLOWING BOWL, THE. Drama in three 

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FREEDOM OF THE PRESS. Farce in 

one act. 8 males. 

GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY. Farce 

in one act. 12 males. 
GREAT ELIXIR, THE. Farce in on^ act. 
9 males. 

GREATEST PLAGUE IN LIFE, THE. 

Farce in one act. 8 females. 
GRECIAN BEND, THE. Farce in one 
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HUMORS OF THE STRIKE, THE. 

Farce in one act. 8 males. 
HYPOCHONDRIAC, THE. Farce in one 

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LAST LOAF, THE. Drama in two acts. 

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LIGHTHE ART'S PILGRIMAGE. AUe- 

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LITTLE BROWN JUG, THE. Diama in 

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LITTLE MORE CIDER, A. Farce in one 

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MAN WITH THE DEMIJOHN, THE. 

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MY BROTHER'S KEEPER. Drama in 

three acts. 5 males, 3 females. 

MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE, A. 

Farce in one act. 4 males. 
MY UNCLE THE CAPTAIN. Farce in 

one act. 6 males. 
NEVER SAY DIE. Farce in one act. 3 

males, 3 females. 
NEVADA. Drama in three acts. 8 males, 3 

females. 25 centS. 



NEW BROOM SWEEPS CLEAN, A, 

Farce in one act. 6 males. 
NO CURE, NO PAY. Farce in one act. 7 

females. 
ONCE ON A TIME. Drama is tw« aots, 

4 males, 2 females^ 

ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO. Drama 

in two acts. 8 males, 3 females. 
ORIGINAL IDEA, AN. Dialogue for a 

lady and gentleman. 
OUR FOLKS. Drama in three acts. 6 m»'es, 

5 females. 

PADDLE YOUR OWN CANOE. Farce 

in one act. 7 males, 3 females. 
PAST REDEMPTION. Drama in four 
acts. 9 males, 4 females. 25 CentS. 

PEDLAR OF VERYNICE, THE. Bur- 

lesque. 7 males. 
PRECIOUS PICKLE, A. Farce in one 

act. 6 females. 
PUBLIC BENEFACTOR, A. Farce in 

one act. 6 males. 
REBECCA'S TRIUMPH. Drama in three 

acts. 16 females. 25 COIltS. 

RED CHIGNON, THE. Farce in one act. 

6 females. ^ 
REVOLT OF THE BEES, THE. Mu- 
sical allegory. 9 females. 

RUNAWAYS, THE. Farce in one act. 4 
males. 

SANTA CLAUS' FROLICS. Christmas- 
tree entertainment. Many char. 

SCULPTOR'S TRIUMPH, THE. Alle- 

gory. I male, 4 females. 
SEA OF TROUBLES, A. Farce in one 
act. 8 males. 

SEEING THE ELEPHANT. Temper- 

ance farce. 5 males, 2 females. 
SEVEN AGES, THE. Tableau entertain- 
ment. 7 males, 4 females. 

SHALL OUR MOTHERS VOTE? Hu- 

morous debate for 11 boys. 

SNOW BOUND. Musical and dramatic en- 
tertainment. 3 males, i fomale. 25 Cents. 

STAND BY THE FLAG. Drama in one 
act. 5 males. 

SILVIA'S SOLDIER. Drama in two acf,. 
3 males, 2 females. 

TEMPTER, THE. Drama in one act, " 
males, i female. 

TENDER ATTACHMENT, A. Farce .. 

one act. 7 males. *■■ 

THIEF OF TIME, THE. Farce in one 

act. 6 males. 
THIRTY MINUTES FOR REFRESH- 

mentS. Farce in one act. 4 males, 3 fern. 

THORN AMONG THE ROSES, A. Com. 

edy in one act. 2 males, 8 females. 
TITANIA. Play for children in two acts. 
Many char. 25 CentS. 

TOO LATE FOR THE TRAIN. Dialogue 

for 2 males, introducing songs and recitations. 

TOURNAMENT OF IDYLWENT, THE. 

Allegory for 13 females. 
VISIONS OF FREEDOM. Allegory for 

16 females. 
USING THE WEED. Farce in one act. 

7 females. 

WANTED, A MALE COOK. Farce in 

one act. 4 males. 
WAR OF TFE ROSES. Allegory for 8 
females. 

WE'RE ALL TEETOTALERS. Farce In 
one scene. 4 males, 2 females. 



WALTER H. BAKER, & CO.^ 



Boston, Mass* 



r^AQV OF CONGRESS 

I^esi^ned especially fc \«»^^^" n 01 4 21 2 065 3 „^ ^^^^^^ 

izations. Comple ^^ az2d /uii di>ectioz2^ /oi- 

performance. 



B 



Grandpas Birthday. In One Act. Words by Dexter Smtth- 

children ; chorus, if desired. P^iiOE, 25 Cknts. 

^'wT'l^'i'rf.f^f'^?^^"^- ^^^"'.^^H Written and composed by 
W. C. 1 AiiKKK. Per one adult male), and one bov. >fo chorus 
Very easy and tuneful. P,,^ce, 25 Cents 

^^f ^?"V^eafed Clover. In Three Acts. By Maky B. Horne 
I^or children of from six to fifteen years. Seven boys, seven STls 
and chorus. Very picturesque. , riiic,', 50 Cents. 

Beans and Buttons. In One Act. Words by Wm. H. Lepeuk- 

r^hn^.L v'"'' ^^' ^^^^^^i'^^''-. '^^^^ "^^'^ ""''^ ''''' fe^"^^'*^ Characters^ 
no chorus. Very comical and easy. PiiiCK, 50 Cents. 

^?fo*r^^T^w!^^^^^ ^^ ^T ^'*^' . '^^^'"^^^ ^^y ^- ^- Le4i8; music by 
J.EO It. Lewis. Two male, two female characters and small chorus, 
feimple and pretty. P^^.^e, 50 Cents. 

Red Riding Hood's Rescue. In Four Scenes. Words bv J E 
ESTABUOOK ; music by J. Astor Broad. Three male, f ou7f emat 
characters and chorus. P^.i^e, 50 Cents! 

^1tu^'^^^^^ ^"^^ f'f ^/''■®® ^^^'■^- I" Five Scenes. By J. Astor 
IS easy, graceful, and pleasing. p^jce, 75 Cents. 

■^■A^;^%*r®''i ^^'7^® Interviewer and the Fairies. In Three 
Acts VVords by A. G. Li.wis; music by Leo R. Liowis. Six male 
six female characters, and chorus. Very picturesque and pretty.' 

Price, 75 Cents. 

^??'/"5'°'"' ^"^ '^.'^^ ^^?' ^^^^^-^ ^y E^^T. Marble; music by 
ni: t: /^^?.f ^-^- ^ ^'o males, one female (adul t), three children and 
Choi us. Very successful and easily produced. Price, 75 Cents. 

Alvin Gray; or, The Sailor's Return. In Three Acts. Written 
and composed by C. A. Whitk. Ten characters, including chorus : 
can be made more effective by employing a larger number. 

Price, 75 Cents. 



Ca,talosues describing the above and other popular entertain- 
ments sent tree on application to 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO., 

THEATRICAL PUBLISHERS, 

No. 23 Winter Street, - Boston, Mass. 

S. J. PARKHILL i CO.. PRINTERS, 222 FRANKLIN ST. BOSTON. 



